so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
