Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
