I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
