first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
