you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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