i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
