Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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