OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
