I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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