The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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