Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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