Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
