i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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