Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
