my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
