i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
