There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
