I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
