Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
