Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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