Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted