great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
This gyro tastes like lonliness
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.