Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants