i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out