I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch