I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
