If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
