dude i'm inner monologue high
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
