I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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