Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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