i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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