we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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