R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
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I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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