Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
