Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
