I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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