its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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