dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
