You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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