there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
