paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
