I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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