He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
