This is the prime rib incident all over again
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
