I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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