I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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