So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
