Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize