sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
