i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
