I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
