omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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