I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
