im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just want nice things and good sex
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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