I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize