Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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