Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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