it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
