Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
