Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
me + whiskey = a bad person
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
