Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
