I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize