the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my being single is dangerous.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
