I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
