The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
