the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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