I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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