how hairy? two words: wookie tits
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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